i realize he actually tried. it didn’t work because it failed me, and it failed us.

You didn’t even ask me if I was okay with it..

Remember:

1. The concept of being alone.

2. The need to be alone.

3. Alone in your thoughts.

4. Not to involve anyone else.

5. This being all you.

6. Patience.

I braved myself through the appointment. I didn’t break down like I imagined. The imagining prepared myself for it so that I ready to talk about the things that happened. She was very supportive, helpful and strangely sensible to my state of being. I don’t know, this is the second time I noticed about my aura of broken-ness could be sensed.

Sigh. Tired, of it all.

It has been a real journey, just as I stated this past January. I will get through it.

Therapist appointment tomorrow morning.

Yesterday I was caught off guard by JB. This was after my consultation with financial aid. Worried about the news I received, only having one chance to appeal and the appeal being not guaranteed.

I really wanted to study abroad this summer, go away and just be gone. But she strongly suggested that if my petition went through that I shouldn’t appeal so soon. I’m scared.

Made an appointment with my counselor. Thinking about it I imagined myself breaking down, having to face everything that happened this past year. I feel like crying just thinking about it.

I’m just so tired of things holding me back.

My appointment is in an hour, so we’ll see how everything goes.

I told her that he use to take us to see my mom every weekend. After a while, we stopped. I had embedded so much beneath me as to not remember any of it, so I wouldn’t have to fully experience it. I realized it was one of the happiest moments of my life and I cried about it.

I sat mid campus on a bench and as I started to process everything. Encapsulating my tears into my knees I cried and cried, and ended up not going to class.

Thursdays seem to be such blue days. I feel emotionally drained and unhappy. I can’t even remember or be happy about the day being Thursday for SDSU’s Farmer’s Market.

I’m glad to have friends that make me smile, and laugh about myself.

Everything is a process. I just gotta be entirely patient with myself as I work through it.